For the first time...

I wish I were opening To Kill a Mockingbird tonight for the first time...or A Tree Grows in Brooklyn...or the first Harry Potter book. It was such an incredible high to read each of these, but rereading them never quite recaptures the magic of the first time. I remember seeing The Sound of Music and the first views of Salzburg or the Alps with Maria (aka Julie Andrews) running across an edelweiss-laden field. I thought my heart would stop when the Captain sang for the first time in a long time with his children for the Baroness. On one New Year's Day I saw the newly-released Camelot and thought about it all day. Now when it's on tv, I don't even take the time to watch it. Nothing is ever quite the same the second time. I revisit things over and over and there's joy to be had in them, but I can't recapture the feeling of the first time although I always try.

Sure, 30 Rock is great, but The Mary Tyler Moore Show? Incomparable! Oh, to have the series begin this season for the first time. I would still have the death of Chuckles the Clown ahead of me.

This summer I went to Herrnhut, Germany. I will never forget it. I suspect I will be able to recall exact sounds and smells for years to come. It was that impacting. However, when my friend asked me to come again next summer, I knew I wouldn't. To revisit would take away from the first time. It would have high points, but the first visit would somehow seem diluted.

It's even true of food, I think. The first time I had Moeller's gingerbread men, I couldn't believe that anything could be that wonderful - just like I thought all gingerbread men should taste but never did. I still buy them, but they never quite strike me the same way they did that first Christmas in Houston.

Here's the problem with all of this. I don't think the "firsts" now are as thrilling as they used to be. Novels have too often turned seedy or so unsettling that I feel more nervous than satisfied after reading them. Movies too often seem mediocre with the occasional exception, of course. Who can forget the opening scene with Bilbo Baggins and the Hobbits in Lord of the Rings or Gandalf battling the ancient spirit on the bridge? "You will go this far and no farther!" Famous last words...at least until the sequel. And what about the first shot of the dining hall at Hogwarts with lights floating in the air? It was just magic - in more ways than one. But for the most part, it's harder to feed the addiction of the thrill of the new, the blush of first love- not just of boyfriend crushes but with the rest of life. I don't think about this all the time, but I do occasionally. Today I did.